Last October (2017), I made it a goal to drink 31 different beers—a new one each day—by the end of the month. Incredibly, I was successful in my attempt, which I dubbed #31FallBeers (look it up on any form of social media!) This year, I wanted to try something similar, but there were two important changes I needed to make. Firstly, I wanted to be able to expound more, so I decided against social media blurbs in favor of long-form posts on my site. Second: it needed to be much, much cheaper than drinking 31 different beers. The result? #31DaysOfJunk. Strap in and hold on tight, and please enjoy this month-long odyssey into the sugary, fatty belly of the autumnal beast.

I’m just gonna say it: I hate Peeps. Hate ’em. I shudder even typing the word. Who in their right mind can enjoy these overly soft, insanely sweet, decidedly un-marshmallow marshmallows covered in granulated sugar? Oof, horrifying. I’ve never liked the original chick Peeps, or the cute pink bunny head Peeps. I didn’t like the Peeps with the chocolate coating, and I certainly don’t like these green abominations.

Thankfully, the heads only come three to a pack, so they’re easy to get rid of by pawning off on two unsuspecting friends (though what friend would even offer these to their compadres?) or by simply dumping in the trash without feeling too wasteful.

However, these particular Peeps get some bonus points for unintentionally looking like Roger Klotz.