Category Archives: Articles

The Cardigan-sploitation of A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 4!

I recently attended Screamfest’s 30th Anniversary screening of A Nightmare on Elm Street 4 at Hollywood’s famed Chinese Theatre, and to say it was amazing would be an understatement. The whole cast was there, director Renny Harlin and legendary producer Bob Shaye were both there, and a fun Q&A with everyone followed the film. Sitting in the moderately-sized – but PACKED – theatre, watching the film with the stars of the film – well, that’s just a dream come true for any horror fan.

It’s always fun watching a horror film you’ve only ever seen on VHS or DVD up on the big screen. You seem to notice things you never really took note of before. For example, in A Nightmare on Elm Street 4, during the classroom scene where Freddy sucks all the air out of Toy Newkirk’s asthmatic little body, I always thought Robert Englund actually peeled the apple (which had been sitting on the desk) using a real bladed-glove. However, seeing it play out 50 feet wide, I was able to see that the apple was actually pre-peeled and simply stuck back together. It was a small thing, but my insides still went “whoa, cool.”

The other thing I noticed – and maybe this just comes from having seen the movie one hundred times – is the absurd amount of cardigans. I mean, everyone wears one at some point – even Alice’s drunken dad gets in on the action! While sitting there watching the film, I took a mental note of every cardigan I saw. I eventually stopped counting and just told myself to rewatch the DVD when I got home.

I took a screen grab of all the cardigans I spotted – which is to say, there could actually be more. I’ve posted them below.

Who knew, 30 years ago, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4 would be creating a whole new genre: cardigan-sploitation?

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(EVEN MORE) VILE VALENTINES!

This is it, you lovesick freakos! February is already upon us and the day of reddening is just around the corner. Personally, I’ve already got my V-Day plans booked (drinking a $4 bottle of wine while staring in the mirror – hey, it’s a tradition!), but for those of you poor saps who are still empty-handed and in need of a little something to tell your significant other just how you feel about them – I’ve got you covered!

As I’ve done for the past few years now, I’ve whipped up a handful of vile valentines for only the most demented of you. I’m talkin’ real sick stuff, folks. You can see the past creations HERE, HERE, and HERE. The best part: they’re free!

So print out as many of ’em on the office printer as you can and share ’em with like-minded maniacs!

 

HORROR PET OF THE MONTH: Ella!

When the athletic Allan Mann (Jason Beghe) is tragically paralyzed in a freak jogging accident in George A. Romero’s masterful Monkey Shines, things – at first- seem hopeless for the injured Allan.

After the accident, Allan withdraws. He becomes a shell of his former lively self. He grows distant from his girlfriend. And most tricky of all, Allan hates his live-in the nurse, Maryanne – the only one who can actually physically assist Allan.

All is reversed, however, when Allan’s speed-freak med student buddy, Geoffrey (John Pankow, looking like Elvis Costello’s twin here), delivers him a surprise package in the form a cute little capuchin monkey, lovingly nicknamed “Ella”, after the famed jazz singer.

But what Geoffrey fails to tell Allan is that he’s been experimenting on Ella (and other monkeys, for that matter), injecting them with human brain tissue. Unbeknownst to even Geoffrey, the experiment ends up being somewhat successful, and in turn, Ella develops an almost psychic bond with Allan.

The relationship between man and monkey quickly goes beyond possessive and protective; soon it’s hard to tell where Allan ends and Ella begins. And that Ella, boy…she becomes one mean motherscratcher when pushed.

But ain’t she just so dang cute? Hard to stay mad at a furry face like that.

Who’s a good girl? Ella’s a good girl.

RANTS: WHY SO BULKY? Bigger Isn’t Always Badder

It was announced yesterday that the long-gestating remake of The Crow had finally found its lead in Games of Thrones actor Jason Momoa. I’m only vaguely familiar with Momoa’s work, but the shoes of the jester-faced, star-crossed lover Eric Draven would not be easy ones to fill considering Brandon Lee’s mesmerizing and emotional original portrayal of the character, one that was only heightened and immortalized by his untimely death on set, the result of a freak accident while filming a scene for the movie.

But besides the deck already being stacked against Momoa, something immediately struck me as off about this casting choice. For those unaware, this is what Jason Momoa looks like: Continue reading RANTS: WHY SO BULKY? Bigger Isn’t Always Badder

SUMMERTIME SCARES! (Jeff Wolfe / Secret Transmissions)

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I say this without any pretension: I really have the greatest readers. It’s true! Sure, the number of CV readers may not be as high as some other low-level sites, which will go unmentioned *grumble, grumble* – but what CV lacks in readership volume it more than makes up for in quality readership. They engage, they support, they respond, and they’re ardent when they do so.

This is a long roundabout way for me to say what a crappy website-runner-dude I am. Jeff Wolfe (long time listener, first time caller) submitted this awesome, thorough piece on Bill Lustig’s ’96 schlocker Uncle Sam long before the due date I’d set – but I am just now getting it up. No excuses; I’m just tardy. I explain all this because his piece focuses on the July 4th holiday, so I didn’t want you (faithful, diligent readers) to think Jeff was off his rocker still talking about Independence Day a week into August. With all that cleared up, please enjoy Jeff’s awesome piece on Uncle Sam! Continue reading SUMMERTIME SCARES! (Jeff Wolfe / Secret Transmissions)

SUMMERTIME SCARES! (Joanna Skrabala / Bloody Popcorn)

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Joanna and her husband Johnny (who just celebrated their 10 year anniversary in July – congrats, kids!) run the wonderfully-named site Bloody Popcorn. And from what I can tell via their social media presence, we share a lot of similar interests – including cult movies, nostalgia, and a fondness for punk tunes. I knew they were the goods when they sent me an Xmas card with Jason Voorhees on the front last year. Needless to say, I was thrilled that Joanna wanted to contribute a piece to…whatever this is. And she did not disappoint! Without further ado, here is Joanna with a double feature to die for!

SUMMER LOVE: A tribute to weird kiddie camp movies (and puberty)

Living in rural Virginia as an impressionable youngster in the ‘90s meant the video store was vital to accessing life experience (or the tropes therein). Don’t get me wrong, I had a real life—school, friends, hobbies—but living miles away from civilization without a car (or driver’s license) just called for overly-organized social planning. And more than often, I was content to just exist in my bedroom with my TV, VCR, and hundreds of duped tapes. (Don’t tell the FBI.) Continue reading SUMMERTIME SCARES! (Joanna Skrabala / Bloody Popcorn)