Once again, February is upon us. And once again, I’ve created a batch of spooky valentines to share with your friends, loved ones, and heck, maybe even a few people you secretly despise.
There are a robust 16 new designs in this year’s collection. And I tried something new this year: I attempted to make them look as though they were all part of the same “pack”, if you will. With my prior batches, the general design was the same, but the colors and layouts were all over the place—chock-full of bright colors and wild backgrounds, intended to cause as much eyeball stimulation as possible.
With this batch, however, I simplified the layout and the color scheme in order to create a more cohesive final product. I think it worked!
Also: using a suggestion offered by the always thoughtful and entertaining George Kramer, I included all of the designs on two 8.5″x11″ sheets. That way, if you want to print them allout, you don’t have to print out each individual card. Major time-saver. Thanks, George, you genius you!
This is it, you lovesick freakos! February is already upon us and the day of reddening is just around the corner. Personally, I’ve already got my V-Day plans booked (drinking a $4 bottle of wine while staring in the mirror – hey, it’s a tradition!), but for those of you poor saps who are still empty-handed and in need of a little something to tell your significant other just how you feel about them – I’ve got you covered!
As I’ve done for the past few years now, I’ve whipped up a handful of vile valentines for only the most demented of you. I’m talkin’ real sick stuff, folks. You can see the past creations HERE, HERE, and HERE. The best part: they’re free!
So print out as many of ’em on the office printer as you can and share ’em with like-minded maniacs!
When I started Camera Viscera two years ago (time flies when you’re droning on about horror movie memories from your childhood, huh?), I designed a few Valentine’s Day cards (“Vile Valentines”, I dubbed them) and posted them to the site, free to share, email, or print out and trade. That first run only consisted of 11 “cards”. They were neat, but unfortunately I made them very small in size. You can find them all HERE.
The next year, I decided to do it again even though the first batch barely made a blip on anyone’s radar (let alone, CV’s SEO). This subsequent collection proved to be much more successful, thanks mostly to several popular horror sites posting about them and sharing them. I made 16 of ’em that go ’round, and made them 2.5″ x 3.5″ – the size of actual valentines you could buy at the store. You can find those HERE.
And now, here we are, two years later – and I’ve done it again! The designs are similar to what I did last year, with a few minor tweaks. I’ve included all new horror icons – no repeats from any of the prior years – and I’ve upped the stack to the arbitrary number of 22! They’re big, they’re colorful, and they’re dumb – the perfect way to tell someone “I kind of tolerate you”! So share ’em, email ’em, line your bird cage with ’em — just enjoy them!
Aloha, mutants! It’s that time of year once again when couples are forced to spend lots of money on each other while the single folk get to laugh manically whilst eating alone in their dark, empty studio apartments. (More of a laugh-cry, really.) In either case, Valentine’s Day is clearly a holiday for losers.
To help make the day a little more bearable, I’ve whipped up some free valentines for you to share, email, print out, burn, and curse.
I made 11 of these last year (find ’em here), but they ended up being very small in size. This year I upped it to 16 and they’re all much bigger – that way it’s easier to see all the terrible details. Enjoy and share with the one you love hate!
If I don’t see a new release within a week of it hitting the theater, it usually finds its way into my “I’ll get to it…eventually” pile, only to really be seen when it hits DVD or VOD. With this in mind, I decided Sunday was the day to see Krampus, come hell or high water. And while high water didn’t come, rain sure did — while I was biking to the theater, no less. Damp but not deterred, I got in a line that wrapped around the block (“Must be for The Good Dinosaur.” I thought to myself, naively.) My friends were already inside saving me a seat, so I wasn’t worried about that. But as I approached the ticket window I was greeted with a sign no moviegoer wants to see: “SOLD OUT”, slapped above the 2:30pm showtime of Krampus. Goddamn. So there I was, wet and out a movie, with two hours to kill until the next showtime. Thankfully, the theater was directly across the street from one of those massive liquor outlets so I headed over and killed time by perusing their endless aisles of stock. I eventually left with several of those little booze bottles you get on airplanes (“snooters”, as I’ve so lovingly nicknamed them.) Specifically, they were Peppermint Schnapps — to help get me in the holiday mood. And let me say: Krampus was a blast on a belly full of mint liqueur!
While the movie revolves around an entire family, the main protagonist is young Max (Emjay Anthony), a kid who is at the age where he knows Santa isn’t real…but he still kinda believes in him. Keeping the faith (and mostly just wanting to keep the tradition alive) Max pens a letter to Santa — not asking for toys, but asking for the type of Christmas he remembers growing up; one where the family gets along.
Soon after penning the letter, Max’s relatives and in-laws show up and we see why Max wants a normal Christmas so badly: country-fried gun nut Howard (Dave Koechner) belittles Max’s dad, Tom (Adam Scott); drunken Aunt Dorothy (Conchata Ferrell) complains about the food prepared by Max’s mom, Sarah (Toni Collette). And then there are Howard and Linda’s (Allison Tolman) kids: two of them are fine, but the other two — sporty sisters — find Max’s letter and read it aloud at the dinner table. Max, embarrassed and angry and hurt, snatches the letter and runs off to his room where he tears it up and tosses it out the window. What he doesn’t realize is this act summons Krampus, an evil Christmas spirit who punishes those who lose their love of the holiday. Soon, the power is out and there’s clomping up on the rooftop, and well…the family is in for a long night.
There’s a lot to love about Krampus. Right off the bat, the movie opens with a hilarious montage that takes a stab at the modern state of consumerism. It’s a simple yet clever opening, and it immediately reassured me that I was going to be in good hands for the next 90 minutes. And while the characters may seem stock (redneck cousins, alcoholic aunt), they’re all played in ways that make them feel fresh. Everyone’s individual performances are spot-on, especially Dave Koechner and his rightwing clan (especially his sporty daughters, perhaps the most brilliant casting of 2015.)
In addition to the great performances the movie is visually stunning. From the massive snowstorm outside to the collection of evil toys that spring to life to the character design of Krampus himself (itself?), everything looks spectacular and is exciting to watch. Krampus does a stellar job of blending CGI and live action stuff almost flawlessly. They did a great job of making sure Krampus looked real in all the close-ups, and used the CGI to their advantage when creating lifelike environments. Your senses won’t be assaulted like with most modern CGI trash — here it’s artfully handled and executed with the perfect amount of restraint.
Lastly, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the sound design in Krampus. I read a positive review of the sound design somewhere online, and about halfway into the movie I realized exactly why. Krampus is a big, hoofed, noisy beast, covered in chains and bells. Whether he’s thudding around on the roof or trying to make his way down the chimney, the dude makes a lot of noise. The sound designers for Krampus totally killed it; they were able to make the titular character’s presence sound scary.
There are a glut of really bad Christmas horror movies out there, but thankfully Krampus isn’t one of them. Give it some time and it could become a classic. Check it out!
Ah, Christmas: that time of year for long lines at the store, fistfights over parking spots, and crowds of a-holes blocking your path. Thankfully, the internet was invented and online shopping helped change the way we do our holiday purchasing. But somewhere along the way, when we no longer had to set foot in a brick-and-mortar store, we forgot an important aspect of spending money on stuff: supporting local businesses.
So with the big day less than a month away, I thought I’d offer up a few suggestions of hardworking artists — regular Joes and Janes like you and I — people who I’m friends with, have purchased stuff from, or just whose work I just flat out admire. So maybe skip Amazon and give one of these talented folks a shot. Just click them tabs to go to their sites! Continue reading The Camera Viscera XMAS LIST!→
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