Tag Archives: witch

31 Days of Junk: Starbucks’ Witch’s Brew Frappucino (#25)

Last October (2017), I made it a goal to drink 31 different beers—a new one each day—by the end of the month. Incredibly, I was successful in my attempt, which I dubbed #31FallBeers (look it up on any form of social media!) This year, I wanted to try something similar, but there were two important changes I needed to make. Firstly, I wanted to be able to expound more, so I decided against social media blurbs in favor of long-form posts on my site. Second: it needed to be much, much cheaper than drinking 31 different beers. The result? #31DaysOfJunk. Strap in and hold on tight, and please enjoy this month-long odyssey into the sugary, fatty belly of the autumnal beast.

I’m not sure how many Pumpkin Spice Lattes I’ve had in my day, but I can say with certainty “not many”. I don’t frequent Starbucks enough to consider myself a regular drinker of their product, so when October rolls around, the PSL barely registers on my radar. Not to mention, the drink’s ubiquity in the last few years has turned the phrase “Pumpkin Spice Latte” into a sort of white noise for me. I hear it, sure, but the words no longer mean anything.

Thankfully, Starbucks has offered some fun replacements over the last few years for those of us who prefer something a little edgier. First, there was the bloody, vampire-inspired Frappula. Then came the brainy and green-toned Zombie Frappucino. And this year Starbucks delivered the truly gross-looking Witch’s Brew Frappucino. All of these like punk rock alternatives to PSL’s bland pop radio demographic.

The lavender-colored base and the green sugar spinkles on top are fine, but what makes this drink so disgusting is its chia seed swirl. With a dark green hue only the worst head cold could conjur up, and a slimy texture to match, each slurp of this thing is at once both delicious and gag-inducing. The purple stuff tastes like the milk after you finish a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. The chia seeds are flavorless and so they absorb most of that fruity flavor, too. But the texture is all snot, man.

Kudos to Starbucks for putting out a drink that is as repellant as it is delicious. Here’s hoping they up the grossness even more next year.



Alexa is a funny gal living in Los Angeles, doing comedy most nights and acting (“acting”) like a witch every so often on her podcast Witch Show, so it makes total sense that she would choose a couple fun, witchy flicks for her Drive-In Double Feature! Her reviews are succinct and to the point, but are still surprisingly spoiler-heavy so YOU’VE BEEN WARNED. Take it away, Alexa!

I seriously haven’t seen Practical Magic since ’98 and maybe it’s better that way. Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are WITCH SISTERS who MURDER Nicole Kidman’s boyfriend and then BRING HIM BACK TO FUCKING LIFE, but of course he comes back as a DEMON ZOMBIE MAN because they clearly never watched PET SEMATARY and then Sandra Bullock falls in love with the POLICEMAN who is investigating their case! THIS IS LABELED AS A ROMANTIC COMEDY! THIS SHIT IS BONKERS!

Suspiria; ’nuff said. Take the feel good vibes you picked up from the first film and THROW THEM OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW CAUSE THESE BITCHES CRAY. This film has everything: Ominous arrivals! Questionable intentions! An epic soundtrack! Color! Fashion! Blood!
Classic Italian horror, Classic Sandy B. Witches being witches.
Alexa can currently be seen performing in several different shows on various comedy stages around L.A. She is also co-host of the podcast, Witch Show, which (witch?) can be found here on iTunes.