Category Archives: 00 – Current

“The Canal” (2014) REVIEW

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Let’s just get this out of the way: the box art is terrible, basic, and derivative, and does not do the actual movie justice. This, I promise.

That said, I would argue this is the best un-hyped horror film from 2014 that I just watched, truly. Meaning: until I saw a glowing recommendation for it on Twitter, I had never even heard of it. I knew nothing about it. I briefly watched the trailer beforehand, but went into it pretty blindly.

I hate to even compare it to “Sinister”, because this is a far superior film, but it follows a very similar trajectory of “guy realizes murders were committed in his home after viewing some old reels, and now he thinks he’s being stalked/haunted by the original killer”. But as I said, this movie does a far better job with that structure than “Sinister” did.

There are other familiar elements, from other great horror movies, that seem to be woven throughout. In both tone and setting, it occasionally gives off vibes of Jacob’s Ladder, Pet Sematary, Candyman, Ringu, Mothman Prophecies, and The Babadook. It’s a really great horror movie for horror fans.

Plus, it’s beautifully shot, with wonderful use of colors and shadows. It’s set during Christmastime, so there are eye-catching, twinkling bokehs throughout the film.

And the music is a major plus, too. Frenetic, frantic, scraping strings that sound like the buzz of angry bees – it compliments the unsettling and intense plot perfectly.

I give this film such a good and thorough review because so rarely do I come across a movie I’ve never seen — never even heard about — that I am so impressed by and end up enjoying so much.

Two severed thumbs up. Go watch this movie.

“The Babadook” (2014) REVIEW

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This review originally appeared on Letterboxd.

If 60s-era Roman Polanksi and 80s-era Tim Burton had a baby (and lord knows, Roman would try), the resultant drooling beast would be this film.

And I mean that in the best way possible.

Beautifully shot, great set design, and truly terrifying. It lives up to all the hype it’s been receiving.

“Child of God” (2013) REVIEW

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This review was originally written for and posted on Letterboxd.

Negatives:
– Differs from the source material just slightly, but enough to bother me
– Ultimately, due to a few editing/directing choices, I feel it misses the overall tone of the book
– Scott Haze’s performance bounces back and forth between “frightening; perfect” and “irritating; laughably bad”

Positives:
– Shows the lead shitting in the woods and wiping his ass with a stick. Gotta be a first for film.

“Cropsey” (2009) REVIEW

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This entry may be a bit controversial since it’s a documentary, but since it deals with urban legends and the boogeyman, I thought I’d include it. Plus, for a documentary, it’s utterly terrifying — I mean, what if an urban legends were real?

The filmmakers start out by detailing a myth of their youth: “Cropsey”, a boogeyman type who hunted and killed the children of Staten Island. This eventually turns into the filmmakers exploring several missing children cases from their neighborhood when they were younger. What they discover is that the urban legends of Cropsey turn out to be completely true.

I forget how I stumbled across this, but it came out in 2009 and I watched it just last year. Bottom line is it’s incredible, I’m so glad I watched it. I love documentaries and true crime as it is, but it plays to my horror fanatic side as well. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen a documentary like this: it plays out just like a horror movie. Like a real life Candyman.

After you watch a scary film, when the lights come up and the credits start to roll, you can take a breath and say it was just a movie. But if you want to watch something that you cannot dispute and won’t be able to shake, watch Cropsey.

“Them” (2006) REVIEW

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There are two genres of horror that really start me up: inbred hillbillies and home invasion. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t get enough of them.

Them (or Ils as it’s called in it’s native country) is a super tense, super scary French home invasion movie from 2006. The pacing is great, aided by the fact that the movie is a concise 74 minutes – trimming all the fat and getting to the action almost immediately and maintaining that agonizing momentum for the rest of the film.

A young teacher meets up with her boyfriend at a new summer home she’s renting in the country. That night, without warning, the couple start being antagonized by a group of outsiders. They struggle to keep the invaders at bay while trying to figure out a way to safety.

The movie, as I said, is a solid 74 minutes of thrilling horror with a great reveal at the end. What I really appreciate is that this film strayed from the New French Extremity movement which was super popular at the time. Not much violence or brutality, which I find refreshing. Some some good old fashioned razor-wire tension which can be far scarier than a bucket of blood.

“Eden Lake” (2008) REVIEW

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Upon watching this movie, initially I was really afraid it was going to take the easy way out and go down the ‘torture porn’ route, but I was pleasantly surprised when that just happened to just be a fleeting moment in the second act. The movie actually borrows from my favorite genre: the home invasion. However in this case, in an interesting spin, the protagonists in this film are actually the interlopers.

A young couple decide to take a woody retreat one weekend. While on a secluded beach, some loud and thuggish youngsters show up and blast music and let their dog run free. The young couple request that they keep it down and keep the dog leashed, to which the kids reply “you’re on our territory”. Here’s where the reversal comes in. Suddenly it’s the good guys who are invading the bad guys territory. The couple is insistent, but the young punks don’t relent. Soon it escalates well beyond what it should and all fucking hell breaks loose. The movies becomes very bad very quickly.

I really, really, really enjoyed this film. I didn’t know what to expect when I started it, nor did I realize the handsome lead was a pre-fame Michael Fassbender, but the movie is full of surprises, including the ending (which I won’t give away). The movie had me edgy the whole time, wondering what was going to happen next. It also brought to mind something that happens on a daily basis: when do you back down? When do you swallow your pride and move on? I guess you never know until you’re being chased by a group of drugged-up teens.