Category Archives: Video Store Memories

DEMON QUEEN – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#8 )

With 13 Days of Shot On Video I’ll be reviewing a new shot-on-video horror film every weekday for the last two weeks of October. You can view all entries HERE.

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Despite clocking in at just an hour long (barely), Demon Queen still somehow manages to feel three or four times that length. Let’s take a look at the description straight from the box cover to get an idea of what we’re dealing with:

Lucinda is the ice cold, flesh eating, evil Demon Queen on a rampage of lust and terror… a sinister demon assassin who brutally murders her victims one by one. Jesse thinks he has escaped the bloody massacre but, for him is reserved the worst fate of all…

No friends, I assure you: the worst fate of all is reserved for we, the watchers of Demon Queen. Continue reading DEMON QUEEN – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#8 )

REDNECK ZOMBIES – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#10)

With 13 Days of Shot On Video I’ll be reviewing a new shot-on-video horror film every weekday for the last two weeks of October. You can view all entries HERE.

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I’ve said this many times before, but SOV horror movies are not for everyone. One of the biggest factors in deterring the average viewer is the overall aesthetic: bad editing, even worse acting, junky sound, and just a general aura of cheapness. Redneck Zombies is sort of the exception to the rule, however, as it was released by Troma Entertainment — the film company who prides themselves on their no-budget, laughable productions. So in a way, Redneck Zombies was safeguarded from the usual expected shortcomings that plagued the average SOV horror movie; suddenly, those limitations were now strengths. I assert that Redneck Zombies just may be the crossover hit that bridged the gap between shot-on-video and the collective hip consciousness. I can’t name many (if any) friends who have seen SOV gems such as Sledgehammer or Killing Spree, but all of my friends know what Troma is and have seen many Troma films, and even a handful have seen Redneck Zombies. Whodathunk. Redneck Zombies, a vanguard film! Continue reading REDNECK ZOMBIES – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#10)

SLEDGEHAMMER – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#12)

With 13 Days of Shot On Video I’ll be reviewing a new shot-on-video horror film every weekday for the last two weeks of October. You can view all entries HERE.

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For me, Sledgehammer is the title I most associate with the 80s SOV wave. Maybe because it’s the only SOV title I remember hearing tossed around during my nascent horror years, or perhaps because it’s the one SOV VHS box I recall actually seeing with my own two eyes at the video store as a kid. (And what a box it is!) Categorically speaking, it is technically the first SOV horror movie made specifically for the home video market.  So to me, Sledgehammer is the epitome of pure shot-on-video slop. And yes, it’s taking a lot of effort restraining myself from making a Peter Gabriel joke. Continue reading SLEDGEHAMMER – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#12)

VIDEO VIOLENCE – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#13)

With 13 Days of Shot On Video I’ll be reviewing a new shot-on-video horror film every weekday for the last two weeks of October. You can view all entries HERE.

In my opinion, Video Violence is one of the better SOV horror films of that era. Easily in my Top 3. Really, it’s just a flat out good movie. All the cheapo SOV hallmarks are there: muddy sound, hammy acting, blunt cuts. But if you overlook all those expected constraints, you’re left with a really cool idea for a movie that feels like it could be a Twilight Zone episode for the modern age. Continue reading VIDEO VIOLENCE – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#13)

CANNIBAL CAMPOUT – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#9)

With 13 Days of Shot On Video I’ll be reviewing a new shot-on-video horror film every weekday for the last two weeks of October. You can view all entries HERE.

For the uninitiated, shot-on-video (or “SOV”) horror films were a genre of movies that made their debut during the VCR boom of the early- and mid-80s. VCRs had been readily available since the mid-70s but didn’t really take off until home rentals (via mom & pop video stores) became popular in the early 80s. Around the same time, camcorders had become available to the public. Fledgling, optimistic directors who aspired to make names for themselves seized this opportunity to make their own products and get their videos on the shelves of local and national video stores. Through pure chance and desperation on the part of these emergent video shops (who at the time, had little rentals to offer), these home movie maestros were somehow able to get their analog features on the rack right alongside big Hollywood productions. It was an amazing and exciting time for cinema and home video. Continue reading CANNIBAL CAMPOUT – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#9)

WOODCHIPPER MASSACRE – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#7)

With 13 Days of Shot On Video I’ll be reviewing a new shot-on-video horror film every weekday for the last two weeks of October. You can view all entries HERE.

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Woodchipper Massacre, along with Cannibal Holocaust, I Spit on Your Grave, and The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, should be included in the annals of horror history grouped under the heading, “Great Titles for a Horror Movie”. Sure, to call the events that take place in the movie a “woodchipper massacre” might be a bit of a stretch — but what a title! You can’t beat it.

Woodchipper Massacre is directed by and stars Jon McBride, a name which even first time shot-on-video consumers should immediately recognize; McBride was instrumental during the late-’80s and mid-’90s shot-on-video wave. (In fact, I already reviewed one of his movies for 13 Days of S.O.V.!) It also stars Tom Casiello — the redhead, bemulleted, brace-face with glasses — who would go on to win several Emmys writing for soap operas as an adult.

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Nice wig.

The movie sees a trio of youngsters (McBride, Casiello, and Denice Edeal) left alone for the weekend when their father goes out of town on a business trip. For whatever reason, the dad decides these kids need adult supervision (despite the fact that Jon McBride is clearly in his late-20s), so their Aunt Tess comes to watch them while he leaves on business. It’s clear from the get-go that Aunt Tess comes from an old-fashioned, more regimented upbringing — one she intends to enforce on the indifferent kids.

Later on in the movie, Aunt Tess’s son, Kim, shows up to the house, fresh from prison and in search of some money. The group, feeling threatened and unsure of when the dad will return, decide to put the woodchipper in the front yard to good use.

Now, Woodchipper Massacre is a hard to categorize film. It’s nowhere near what I would consider a “horror” film. And while there is a lot of humor, most of it falls flat or sometimes goes completely unnoticed because of how low-budget the presentation is; I found myself thinking many times, “Was what I just saw supposed to be intentionally funny, or was that just bad acting and poor production?” The one thing I can assert is that it definitely gave off a sitcom-style vibe: the kids left alone for the weekend, the single father, the older brother, the annoying aunt, her creepy son who pops up in the third act. They even have sitcom-style credits at the end, which just further solidified my feelings about it. I’d go as far as to say Woodchipper Massacre has invented its own genre: Sitcore. (Bleh, forget it. I’m not tryin’ to coin that.)

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While I’m sure there’s no definite correlation, Woodchipper Massacre seems like it inspired a few films (or at least, a few film scenes) that came after it: Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead, Fargo, and The Mangler — all share plot points very reminiscent of what goes on in Woodchipper Massacre.

My complaints about the movie are typical of any shot-on-video horror flick I’ve seen: mainly shoddy writing combined with terrible, terrible acting. Everyone in the movie is basically just yelling their dialogue, rushing through their lines. Cousin Kim looks like some deranged combination of Gene Wilder and Jeff Daniels’ character ‘Harry’ from Dumb and Dumber. He’s so incredibly over-the-top, it makes me wonder: surely he had to know, right? Wasn’t he ever compelled to scale it back just a notch? And Aunt Tess — who looks like she could be their great grandmother (dear lord, that awful wig) — speaks mostly in antiquated aphorisms, idioms and proverbs. Half of them sound made up. “Sleep is good for the soul”, she says at one point. Who has ever said that? No one, because it’s not a phrase.

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Cousin Kim, bastard child of Gene Wilder and Harry Dunne.

However, Woodchipper Massacre does have one strong suit: incredible, incredible music! I mean, really, truly. The opening theme recalls influences from Harold Faltermeyer’s Fletch score. From there, the soundtrack bounces between weird video game sounding music to toe-tapping new wave style instrumentals. The closing credits sound like an Oingo Boingo demo — it’s amazing. All of it is surprisingly listenable.

Before I wrap this up, I wanted to point out two things:

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  • On multiple occasions we see the day and time onscreen. This is never relevant or vital to the plot in any way. Superfluous, amateur inclusion …or hilarious, multi-layered in-joke? You be the judge.

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  • The movie opens with a fake statistic crawl, ala The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. This is the third shot-on-video movie I’ve reviewed (Cannibal Campout and Redneck Zombies being the other two) that has referenced TCM. Just surprising that even amid the glut of ’80s slashers, these no-budget home movie auteurs were paying respects to the original no-budget exploitation classic.

If’n you ain’t seen Woodchipper Massacre, I suggest it for the music alone. But I’m sure you’ll get a kick out of the hammy acting, too. Just don’t expect any gore: the movie may have a brutal title, but much like its equally-brutally-titled inspiration, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre — it’s fairly bloodless.

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