DEMON QUEEN – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#8 )

With 13 Days of Shot On Video I’ll be reviewing a new shot-on-video horror film every weekday for the last two weeks of October. You can view all entries HERE.

demon

Despite clocking in at just an hour long (barely), Demon Queen still somehow manages to feel three or four times that length. Let’s take a look at the description straight from the box cover to get an idea of what we’re dealing with:

Lucinda is the ice cold, flesh eating, evil Demon Queen on a rampage of lust and terror… a sinister demon assassin who brutally murders her victims one by one. Jesse thinks he has escaped the bloody massacre but, for him is reserved the worst fate of all…

No friends, I assure you: the worst fate of all is reserved for we, the watchers of Demon Queen. Continue reading DEMON QUEEN – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#8 )

“The Green Inferno” (2015) REVIEW

1

In 2012, After 5 long years away from the director’s chair, ‘Splat Pack’ founding father Eli Roth announced he was stepping behind the camera once again to make The Green Inferno, his love letter to the ‘cannibal boom’ — a genre that took over Italian horror and exploitation cinema from the late-’70s to mid-’80s. This sub-genre of horror was known for it’s unrelenting brutality, unflinching violence, and in many instances the actual (and wholly unnecessary) slaughter of animals on film. It was a particularly savage and barbaric brand of horror that even the most dyed-in-the-fur horrorhound had trouble thoroughly enjoying. So who better than Roth, the godfather of “torture porn”, to take the helms and deliver a shocking and offensive kick in the butt that we, the horror moviegoing public, so desperately needed to get us out of the generic paranormal rut we’d found ourselves stuck in since he left the scene?

Alas, the finished film found itself in limbo after its distributor ran into money troubles, and there it waited indefinitely — a release date uncertain…if at all. In the meantime we sat, fidgeting, speculating the grand return of Roth and everything his mythical film had to offer. Enter Jason Blum, the indie horror producer wunderkind who, coincidentally enough, spearheaded the tidal wave of paranormal movies that began in 2007, the same year of Roth’s last release. Blum saved the day, using his Blumhouse Tilt production company to finally secure distribution for The Green Inferno. The cannibalistic gods smiled upon us!

The Green Inferno sees a group of American protestors heading deep into the jungles of the Amazon, trying to protect the tropical land from deforestation. They seem to succeed in halting the developers and celebrate their victory with beers on the plane ride home. Unfortunately, the plane crashes and the survivors soon run afoul of some sadistic savages hiding in the lush foliage. From there, the group of westerners must fight to survive, lest they wanna become the main course.

2

Now, viewers new to cannibal films will probably watch this movie with hands placed firmly over their eyes, occasionally peeking through the slits in their fingers. But those more familiar with the genre (dare I use the term, “fans”) will notice a few of the more shocking elements associated with the boom missing from this film, notably the real animal slaughter and the requisite rape/sexual assault scenes. Gone, too, are the inventive, stomach-turning death scenes: what horror fan isn’t familiar with the horrifying and iconic imagery of the impaled people from Cannibal Holocaust, or the hooks through the breasts and the castration scene from Cannibal Ferox? There are nods to the impaled bodies in The Green Inferno, as well as references to several other cannibal films sprinkled throughout (in fact, Cool Ass Cinema has a great list of all the movies The Green Inferno references; I highly suggest checking it out), but other than paying homage to the films that inspired it, The Green Inferno really doesn’t offer much in terms of creative and awful ways to die.

In fact, I’d argue there’s not enough violence. The words “Eli Roth directing a cannibal movie” conjures up all sorts of ideas of relentless brutality. But aside from one specific scene (which seems to be the movie’s centerpiece, and to be fair, is exceptionally brutal) most of the violence is fairy tame by today’s standards, or is obscured by fast cuts. Eli Roth said during a recent AMA that the film released to theaters is the original film he created. Apparently, the notoriously scissor-happy MPAA didn’t request any scenes to be cut. I’m amazed at both of those statements, but I’ll take it as gospel. I’ll just say: I wish it had been more violent.

One element that kinda let me down was the handling of the American group who gets attacked by the cannibals. Leading up to its release, all I read was article after article boasting how Roth was taking on “the armchair activists and the social justice warriors.” The Green Inferno was going to take these loudmouth PC college types and stick them in a place they didn’t belong and show them the consequences of being involved in a cause they ultimately truly know nothing about. Since the ultra-PC thing is really hot right now, I was amped to see Roth take this fad on. But aside from only a few painfully predictable bits of dialogue (from both the activists and the anti-activists), there really wasn’t anything that I would consider a jab at the PC crowd. And actually, I even felt bad for the group that got attacked — well, maybe one or two of ’em deserved it! But for the most part, they seemed likable enough.

3

If I have one gripe, it’s with the two lead cannibals, the ones who’ve been featured prominently throughout the promotional material (y’know, nosering cataract lady and yellow-faced bald dude.) They’re so cartoonish, they look like they should be sitting in the waiting room at the end of Beetlejuice. I kept expecting the bald guy to growl “Kali-maaaaaa!” I get that they’re the lead cannibals and supposed to be scary and ‘savage’, but it coulda been toned down just a bit. The tribe of red-painted cannibals are more subtle and realistic (because they actually are a real tribe) and therefore inherently more scary.

Despite my minor criticisms, I gotta say: it’s an enjoyable flick. I was glad to see it up on the big screen, and it’s a nice respite from the glut of ghost movies we’ve been inundated with the last few years. Roth’s strange sense of humor (think the “Pancakes!” kid from Cabin Fever) occasionally slows the momentum, but hey, that’s kinda his thing — so be prepared for it. In the end, this isn’t a movie you’ll watch and then take to the police, thinking actual crimes were committed, but this is a great starting place for someone interested in the cannibal genre — and if a movie can encourage viewers to seek out the films that inspired it, that’s a win all-around.

“Cooties” (2015) REVIEW

zom2

Cooties is an entirely safe, digestible horror-comedy film (more specifically, “zom-com”) that average, passive intakers of horror and comedy will probably enjoy. You know that guy at work, the one who always tells you about new movies you just gotta see — yet you never agree with? He will probably really like this movie and highly endorse it. After all, it’s got that guy from The Office! And zombie kids — whoo boy!

More discerning viewers will probably walk away from Cooties feeling nothing at all, no reaction that is positive or negative. It’s not that there is anything necessarily wrong with Cooties, but there’s nothing particularly right with it either. My ultimate issue with the film is that they took an amusing idea and what could’ve been a subversive, funny movie about zombie kids trying to kill adults — and ended up going a fairly predictable route.

zom-kid

To be fair, it starts out really strong: we’re in a slaughterhouse watching chickens be plucked, sectioned, and run through an industrial grinder, churning out that familiar pink slime, the one that made the headlines a few years ago. But this pink slime is streaked with green: some sort of infectious bacteria which has the potential to turn kids into blood-thirsty monsters.

From there we cut to a bedroom: a sleeping Elijah Wood is rousted by his mom; it’s the first day of school. Only, Elijah isn’t a student — he’s a substitute teacher. A stalled career in Brooklyn as an author sees him back in his home town of Fort Chicken, Illinois (yes, that’s really the name they chose), living at home with mom and teaching elementary school. There, he reconnects with an old classmate — who is now a teacher, too — as well as a handful of other colorful characters on staff.

That toxic chicken meat we saw a few scenes earlier? It’s now in nugget form and being consumed by a little girl at the school. Soon, she turns into a raging zombie, infecting kids left and right, and bedlam briefly ensues. It’s at this point that movie down shifts into auto-pilot: we go from what could’ve been a prime-era Joe Dante or Fred Dekker flick and ease into something more along the lines of something I could see Kevin James or Josh Gad leading.

Zomcoms have an unfortunate history with being unable to find balance. Usually, the straight forward “this is simply a zombie movie but with humor” films are the ones that achieve the most success, both with major audiences as well as cult collectives: Evil Dead, Return of the Living Dead, Braindead, Shaun of the Dead — hell, any goddamn movie with the word “dead” in the title. The ones that fail are the ones that get too clever, too angle-heavy: Fido, Life After Beth, Warm Bodies. Unfortunately, Cooties falls into this latter category and unsuccessfully thinks the simple premise of “zombie schoolkids” can carry an 88 minute movie.

zom

The funniest characters happen to be the two guys that wrote the movie, Leigh Whannell and Ian Brennan, playing a kooky science teacher and a cocky vice principal, respectively. They feel the most fleshed out and the most unique of the entire cast. And while the always enjoyable Elijah Wood and Alison Pill are well cast as the main leads of the film, everyone else is a one-joke stock character: Rainn Wilson is the macho guy, Nasim Pedrad is the uptight woman, Jack McBrayer is the gay guy. Jorge Garcia is the stoner, and Peter Kwong is the Asian guy. With the exception of Whannell, Wood, Pill, and Wilson, all the other characters barely have a purpose in the movie. They don’t have important dialogue and aren’t necessary to move the plot along or aid in a resolution. They merely exist to perpetuate their one punchline.

In the end, Cooties has a hard time deciding what kind of comedy it wants to go for. I laughed out loud once when, early in the film, Rainn Wilson clotheslines a little girl while running from a horde of zombie kids. But most of the humor is uneven and — worst of all — very safe. Interesting ideas — like today’s kids lack of respect for authority and our culture’s current obsession with knowing where our food comes from — are only briefly touched on and quickly abandoned, and instead more focus is placed upon the Asian janitor who knows kung-fu. Cheap, easy, and safe, if you ask me.

It’s far from terrible. It’s not just anything, really. I don’t know who it’s aimed at, but if you still pay to see Adam Sandler movies in the theater or think Vince Vaughn/Owen Wilson/Jack Black/Ben Stiller are the apex of comedy, then you will probably love this movie. It does have a killer poster, though.

cooties

“The Boy” (2015) REVIEW

3

I went into The Boy not really knowing much about it. I saw the title on iTunes and remembered seeing a trailer for it awhile back, and recalled really digging the creepy, ominous atmosphere it had created in two minutes, and it had always been on my radar since then. I think going into it this way really added to the overall sense of dread I felt while watching it. Not knowing where the film is going — trying to figure out what’s going to happen before it does — makes for a much more tense viewing.

The Boy centers mainly around a father and his son running a floundering, decrepit motel smack in the middle of a rural, mountainous landscape. Naturally, the hyper-inquisitive boy is bored of his surroundings and fascinated with the rare guest that might happen to stop for the night. But there’s something else to the boy, something off. Something growing beneath the surface. As the film progresses, you start to think perhaps this is more than just a precocious youth we’re watching. I won’t give away much more, because again, the less you know the better. (One thing I found incredibly, incredibly strange about the production end of this movie: according to the credits, Floyd Mayweather Jr. — yes, the boxer — is a co-executive producer. Weird, right?)

There are two things that really sell the movie. First, the location, including the rundown motel. As I watched, I kept trying to figure out where they could’ve possibly found such a ratty, unkempt motel in the middle of nowhere like that. Georgia? Tennessee? After doing a little research I discovered (to my utter surprise) that the motel was actually built for the movie in the mountains of Medellín, Colombia! For those unaware, this was where Pablo Escobar ran his drug cartel, and was once the most violent city in the world. It’s a surprising little factoid to say the least, but the set design and locations are flawless. The whole area looks and feels like sad, destitute Appalachia.

The other thing that makes this movie work so well is the cast. It’s a small cast, consisting primarily of three characters. When you don’t have a lot of actors to distract and fill up scenery, you better make sure the actors you do cast can carry the film, and the actors here do a stand-out job.

4

The defeated father is played by the perpetually sad-faced David Morse, and I can’t think of a better actor for the role. The way he just sighs and slouches from scene to scene really sells the utter hopelessness of their situation. Then there’s the mysterious traveler played by Rainn Wilson. He, too, is a smart casting choice. He’s able to play warm and friendly just as well as straight-faced and untrustworthy. And last but not least, there is Jared Breeze who plays the title role. He is easily the best part of the movie. This is his movie. Kid actors are a tough sell, especially if they play a main part in the movie. They can’t all be Danielle Harris and Tye Sheridan. More often than not, you’re gonna get the Jaden Smith and Chandler Riggs pedigree, or that kid from Jurassic Park who compares Velociraptors to turkeys. They act like they’re acting, but rarely do they convey a believable performance. (This is no dig on child actors; when I was a kid I was barely able to make myself lunch.) If you’re able to snag a believable kid for your movie, consider yourself lucky.

The reason Breeze is so amazing (as ‘Ted’) is that he doesn’t even act like the camera is there. I understand that’s the first rule of acting (unless you’re in a John Landis movie), but he’s so damn natural that watching the film makes you feel like you’re spying on some mountain child. As he wanders along the highway, explores the nooks and crannies of the wilderness, and talks to himself while imagining he’s miles way, you forget you’re watching a kid acting. So keep up the awesome work, Jared.

Lastly, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the score. It’s sparse, plunking, jangling, and jarring — and it’s perfect in the movie. At times it reminded me of the scores from The Shining and There Will Be Blood. In a way, this film is kind of like a hillbilly version of The Shining, only instead of Jack Torrance being the antagonist, it’s little Danny Torrance.

2

The Boy is far scarier, more chilling, and more realistic than any other dangerous kid movies that come to mind. And according to director Craig William Macneill, it’s only the first part of a planned trilogy. So it looks like we’ll be able to spend more time with Ted to see where life takes him.

MOVIE-LINK

“Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers – The Producer’s Cut” REVIEW (2015)

As you may already know by now (especially if you read my other piece on the subject): I love Halloween 6. Buried under the muddled origin story and weird druid stuff is not only a solid Halloween sequel, but a really great slasher film. It is, in my opinion, the last time Michael Myers was actually scary onscreen. Unfortunately, multiple reshoots, continual edits, and tensions on set resulted in a film that didn’t feel very cohesive and left the audience with more questions than it did answers.

It was probably a decade after the movie came out that I started hearing rumblings on the internet about lost footage from the film. I don’t know if it was being designated “the Producer’s Cut” at first, but that’s the official title it took on over time. There were rumors and speculation popping up on message boards, people claiming they’d seen the footage and that it was an entirely different movie. Needless to say, I was extremely excited thinking there was the possibility of an alternate cut out there. It wasn’t too long after that, people started posting actual scenes that had been cut from the film, albeit terrible quality. But it confirmed what had been pure hearsay up until then: alternate footage — and possibly an alternate version — did exist. Continue reading “Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers – The Producer’s Cut” REVIEW (2015)

REDNECK ZOMBIES – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#10)

With 13 Days of Shot On Video I’ll be reviewing a new shot-on-video horror film every weekday for the last two weeks of October. You can view all entries HERE.

2

I’ve said this many times before, but SOV horror movies are not for everyone. One of the biggest factors in deterring the average viewer is the overall aesthetic: bad editing, even worse acting, junky sound, and just a general aura of cheapness. Redneck Zombies is sort of the exception to the rule, however, as it was released by Troma Entertainment — the film company who prides themselves on their no-budget, laughable productions. So in a way, Redneck Zombies was safeguarded from the usual expected shortcomings that plagued the average SOV horror movie; suddenly, those limitations were now strengths. I assert that Redneck Zombies just may be the crossover hit that bridged the gap between shot-on-video and the collective hip consciousness. I can’t name many (if any) friends who have seen SOV gems such as Sledgehammer or Killing Spree, but all of my friends know what Troma is and have seen many Troma films, and even a handful have seen Redneck Zombies. Whodathunk. Redneck Zombies, a vanguard film! Continue reading REDNECK ZOMBIES – 13 Days of Shot on Video! (#10)