Category Archives: 00 – Current

“10 Cloverfield Lane” (2016) REVIEW

10 Cloverfield Lane is a weird movie.

I finished watching it approximately three hours ago; afterwards I discussed it over beers with the friends who accompanied me, and then I thought about it on the long walk home alone. And now here I sit typing up this review, and still the best and most accurate word I can use to describe it is weird. I totally enjoyed about 94% of it. But still: weird.

For those living under a rock or visiting from a different planet (in which case, welcome), there has been a lot of buzz (and, dare I say that vulgar word, hype) over the past few months surrounding 10 Cloverfield Lane. And I say “past few months” literally because, prior to the second week of January, there hadn’t been so much as a peep about a Cloverfield sequel. I mean, nothing. For the last 8 years, fans of the original had been offered – at best – a maybe regarding a sequel, and that was coming directly from the Cloverfield camp, specifically J.J. Abrams and Matt Reeves. In fact, it pretty much seemed like a dead issue — that is, until, audiences who went to see Michael Bay’s 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi in January were delivered one hell of a surprise: a teaser trailer for a movie entitled 10 Cloverfield Lane. Continue reading “10 Cloverfield Lane” (2016) REVIEW

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“They Look Like People” (2016) REVIEW

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On his way home from work, Christian bumps into an old friend, Wyatt, who he hasn’t seen in awhile. They do the small talk bit: Christian’s life is going well and he doesn’t hesitate to make it known; Wyatt’s life, not so much, so he does the whole “Oh, me? Oh, yeah, everything’s great. I’m GREAT. Why am I holding these two suitcases? Oh, well…” thing. Before you can say this never happens in real life, Wyatt is up in Christian’s apartment making himself cozy, but, y’know, not too cozy – he continually insists “Hey man, I’ll just grab my stuff and go…” (more)

“The Witch” (2016) REVIEW

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I want you to close your eyes and imagine something. Well, close your eyes metaphorically speaking – keep reading this, though. Okay, clear your mind. Now imagine the Internet is down… forever. You have no phone – smart, flip, or otherwise. No texting, no Instagram, no Facebook. No cable, no reality shows. No pizza. No eBay. No public transportation. You start working at age 12 which includes waking up at 4 a.m. and doing manual labor until sundown; you’ll never get paid $40,000 a year to work from your cozy apartment (one block away from that hip coffeeshop) writing listicles for some cutesy start-up blog. Reaching your 50th birthday is rare, and worst of all: no one cares a goddamn about you. Survival comes before anything else. Sounds horrific, right? Welcome to 1630! (more)

“Southbound” (2016) REVIEW

There’s no denying it: horror anthologies are hot right now. The format has always been a popular go-to for the horror genre, but by the late-’90s it sort of fizzled out. Enter Michael Dougherty’s Trick ‘R Treat in 2007 – a Halloween anthology, naturally – and boom, the sub-genre was revitalized. Since then there’s been Chillerama (utilizing horror’s goofiest gorehound directors), the V/H/S and The ABCs of Death franchises, and even a few T.V. shows like Darknet and Black Mirror. More recently there’s been Tales of Halloween, and soon the upcoming Holidays. There’s also been a slew of lesser watched stuff that I didn’t mention, but trust me when I say: anthology-style horror is hot. (more)

“The Boy” (2016) REVIEW

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Be warned: this review is rife with SPOILERS. Normally, I avoid spoilers at all costs, but they felt almost necessary this time. Plus this movie is pretty bad, so who cares.

If I were a hacky movie critic, I’d probably start this review off by saying something like “Oh, boy.” But I’m not there, yet. Gimme a few years and I’m sure I’ll be giving Peter Travers, Rex Reed, and Gene Shalit all a run for their money. A boy can dream. Hey, lookit that! Continue reading “The Boy” (2016) REVIEW