31 Days of Junk, Articles

31 Days of Junk: Pumpkin Spice Jell-O Pudding (#31)

2 Comments

Last October (2017), I made it a goal to drink 31 different beers—a new one each day—by the end of the month. Incredibly, I was successful in my attempt, which I dubbed #31FallBeers (look it up on any form of social media!) This year, I wanted to try something similar, but there were two important changes I needed to make. Firstly, I wanted to be able to expound more, so I decided against social media blurbs in favor of long-form posts on my site. Second: it needed to be much, much cheaper than drinking 31 different beers. The result? #31DaysOfJunk. Strap in and hold on tight, and please enjoy this month-long odyssey into the sugary, fatty belly of the autumnal beast.

Well, I really screwed the pooch on this final entry, ladies and germs.

While digging through my cabinets last month, I discovered a box of Pumpkin Spice Jell-O Pudding I totally forgot I had, though I remember purchasing it a few years back while in a pumpkin spice frenzy at the grocery store. Such a frenzy, in fact, that when I brought it home and put it up on the shelf, I completely forgot about it until now.

Continue reading 31 Days of Junk: Pumpkin Spice Jell-O Pudding (#31) →

31 Days of Junk, Articles

31 Days of Junk: Skeleton Bones Cheese Curls (#30)

Leave a comment

Last October (2017), I made it a goal to drink 31 different beers—a new one each day—by the end of the month. Incredibly, I was successful in my attempt, which I dubbed #31FallBeers (look it up on any form of social media!) This year, I wanted to try something similar, but there were two important changes I needed to make. Firstly, I wanted to be able to expound more, so I decided against social media blurbs in favor of long-form posts on my site. Second: it needed to be much, much cheaper than drinking 31 different beers. The result? #31DaysOfJunk. Strap in and hold on tight, and please enjoy this month-long odyssey into the sugary, fatty belly of the autumnal beast.

While these particular treats weren’t the inspiration for this whole crazy “31 Days of Junk” odyssey I’ve been on, they were the first snack I bought after deciding I was gonna take the dive and gorge myself on shit for a month.

I picked them up at World Market, amongst an arrangement of other freshly displayed Halloween treats and decorations. I bought the wax fangs and Pop Rocks I reviewed earlier from this very same section, on the very same day!

Continue reading 31 Days of Junk: Skeleton Bones Cheese Curls (#30) →

31 Days of Junk, Articles

31 Days of Junk: Sour Patch Kids Zombie (#29)

Leave a comment

Last October (2017), I made it a goal to drink 31 different beers—a new one each day—by the end of the month. Incredibly, I was successful in my attempt, which I dubbed #31FallBeers (look it up on any form of social media!) This year, I wanted to try something similar, but there were two important changes I needed to make. Firstly, I wanted to be able to expound more, so I decided against social media blurbs in favor of long-form posts on my site. Second: it needed to be much, much cheaper than drinking 31 different beers. The result? #31DaysOfJunk. Strap in and hold on tight, and please enjoy this month-long odyssey into the sugary, fatty belly of the autumnal beast.

I was going to start this by saying, “Sour Patch Kids have to be one of the best modern-day candies, right?”, assuming that SPKs were no older than the late-90s at most (that’s how it always seemed to me, at least). That is, until, I looked them up and found out they’ve actually been around since the late-70s(!) and took on their current form—one meant to capitalize off of Cabbage Patch Kids—in the mid-80s.

So allow me to start this by saying: “Sour Patch Kids have to be one of the best candies in general, right?”

They’re the perfect mix between sour and gummy, and they have a weird little mascot to boot. The closest competitor I can think of (in my book) is Zours. But SPK, man, they’re just the whole package, aren’t they?

These spooky SPKs (curiously surnamed the singular “Zombie”, as in “Sour Patch Kids Zombie”) are the exact same formula as regular ol’ SPKs. This box, however, is limited to orange and purple varieties. They feel extra soft to me—softer than I am used to—but maybe I just got a weird batch.

The day after I purchased these, I discovered Sour Patch Kids Candy Corn at the store. I thought doubling up on the SPKs might be overkill, so I decided to pass, regrettably. The candy corn shape would’ve been a nice variation on the candy, as these are identical to the usual SPKs you get any time of year.

In the end, they didn’t reinvent the wheel with these, but then again they didn’t have to.

31 Days of Junk, Articles

31 Days of Junk: Peeps Marshmallow Monsters (#28)

Leave a comment

Last October (2017), I made it a goal to drink 31 different beers—a new one each day—by the end of the month. Incredibly, I was successful in my attempt, which I dubbed #31FallBeers (look it up on any form of social media!) This year, I wanted to try something similar, but there were two important changes I needed to make. Firstly, I wanted to be able to expound more, so I decided against social media blurbs in favor of long-form posts on my site. Second: it needed to be much, much cheaper than drinking 31 different beers. The result? #31DaysOfJunk. Strap in and hold on tight, and please enjoy this month-long odyssey into the sugary, fatty belly of the autumnal beast.

I’m just gonna say it: I hate Peeps. Hate ’em. I shudder even typing the word. Who in their right mind can enjoy these overly soft, insanely sweet, decidedly un-marshmallow marshmallows covered in granulated sugar? Oof, horrifying. I’ve never liked the original chick Peeps, or the cute pink bunny head Peeps. I didn’t like the Peeps with the chocolate coating, and I certainly don’t like these green abominations.

Thankfully, the heads only come three to a pack, so they’re easy to get rid of by pawning off on two unsuspecting friends (though what friend would even offer these to their compadres?) or by simply dumping in the trash without feeling too wasteful.

However, these particular Peeps get some bonus points for unintentionally looking like Roger Klotz.

Peeps photo by ObsessiveSweets.com
31 Days of Junk, Articles

31 Days of Junk: Brach’s Vampire Teeth (#27)

Leave a comment

Last October (2017), I made it a goal to drink 31 different beers—a new one each day—by the end of the month. Incredibly, I was successful in my attempt, which I dubbed #31FallBeers (look it up on any form of social media!) This year, I wanted to try something similar, but there were two important changes I needed to make. Firstly, I wanted to be able to expound more, so I decided against social media blurbs in favor of long-form posts on my site. Second: it needed to be much, much cheaper than drinking 31 different beers. The result? #31DaysOfJunk. Strap in and hold on tight, and please enjoy this month-long odyssey into the sugary, fatty belly of the autumnal beast.

This is the fifth candy corn related item I’ve eaten this month, and it will also be the last. It also happens to be pretty dang tasty!

These red-tipped “Vampire Teeth” are strawberry flavored-candy corn. Now, the sound of that doesn’t appeal me—perhaps its the OG candy corn’s yellow-orange-white color scheme that seems to stand at odds with a fruity berry flavor. But dammit, it works.

Really, the fondant flavor of the candy corn (the base flavor profile for all candy corns) mixed with the strawberry creates a kind-of strawberry shortcake flavor that is super yummy. Another thing I appreciate about this particular candy corn is that the flavor isn’t overpowering like original candy corn. The flavor here is subtle and floral, making it easy to jam them into your maw, one after another.

If the idea of candy corn appeals to you but you could never get into the taste, I think these would be a great alternative.

31 Days of Junk, Articles

31 Days of Junk: Treat Street Gummy Zombie Hand (#26)

Leave a comment

Last October (2017), I made it a goal to drink 31 different beers—a new one each day—by the end of the month. Incredibly, I was successful in my attempt, which I dubbed #31FallBeers (look it up on any form of social media!) This year, I wanted to try something similar, but there were two important changes I needed to make. Firstly, I wanted to be able to expound more, so I decided against social media blurbs in favor of long-form posts on my site. Second: it needed to be much, much cheaper than drinking 31 different beers. The result? #31DaysOfJunk. Strap in and hold on tight, and please enjoy this month-long odyssey into the sugary, fatty belly of the autumnal beast.

I can’t believe I made it almost 30 days in before hitting my first “dud”.

There’s really not much I can say about this treat because it was so void of flavor. The packaging simply says “fruit flavor”, but the aroma when I opened it was pure green apple. So I expected something apple-y, perhaps something with the familiar tang that accompanies green apple-flavored candies. But no, there was no flavor whatsoever. It was kinda weird. The candy was also greasy, as gummy candies often tend to be, but also plasticky in a way.

Overall, the two most important components of any food—the texture and the flavor—were kinda gross and nonexistent, respectively. Now that I’m thinking about it, it was what I imagine eating a zombie’s flesh would be like. So maybe they nailed it?

I bought it from Michaels, which is where you buy craft supplies—not candy.

Horrorstuffs & humor / don't tell yer granny