The first installment of Horror Nerd of the Month focused on Jerry, a character from the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, and here we are, only a handful of months later, and I’m already revisiting the franchise, this time focusing on someone who makes Jerry look like Paul Newman in comparison: Ryan.

We’re first introduced to Ryan whilst on a road trip through Texas with his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, Michelle. From the second we meet his character it is immediately clear that Michelle is totally out of his league. It’s revealed that the reason for their split is she’s attending college out of state and doesn’t want to do the long distance relationship thing…but c’mon – we know why she’s really dumping him: he’s a total lame-o.

Even in death, Ryan is humiliated: while he’s hung upside-down by hooks through his ankles and about to be delivered a deathblow via sledgehammer, two members of the Sawyer clan feel the need to point out his colored undies (“California!”), which is met with laughter from the rest of the demented family. As unsettling of a scene as it is, it confirms a long-held belief: nerds just can’t catch a break.

Ryan, we salute you.